From Hawaii to New York: The unexpected journey that brought me back home

Leaving the military, caregiving for my grandfather with Alzheimer’s, raising kids in a four-generation home, and the road trip that changed everything.

Mariah Mueller

Mar 04, 2026

When my husband left the Marine Corps, everything changed

It was September of 2024 when my husband finally got out of the marine corps (he was in for four years and it was four years too long for all of us). We had spent every previous summer apart for 4 months (including the summer before we had our son - he made it home 4 days before he was born) and I know I know that’s nothing compared to what some families go through. That season was so special in so many ways, and I am so happy it’s behind us.

How our 3 week family road trip was a portal

We had planned to move to Colorado to live with my father-in-law + save money to buy a house, and then 2 weeks before all of our “housing goods” aka furniture and truck were going to be delivered there, a series of events unfolded that lead us to completely pivot at the last minute. That’s a story that doesn’t belong on the internet because all has been forgiven and we love them very much. It was the greatest pivot of our life in hindsight, but I was heartbroken and so angry at the time. We had a 3 week long roadtrip planned shortly after we were supposed to move to Colorado because we had lived in Hawaii the last 4 years and our souls needed to hit the road, camp, and explore somewhere new. We decided to use the time on the road to see with fresh, wide open eyeballs. Every state we visited, we considered what it might feel like to live there. We drove from Colorado up to Yellowstone, The Grand Tetons, Glacier National Park, stayed a night at a cabin in northern Montana and then made our way up to Canada where we stopped at Banff National Park for Bodhi’s 2nd birthday. It was more magical than it sounds and it was pretty roughly planned. My husband and I are both traveling souls but not the type A plan every day out to a T type - and we LOVE that. Bodhi’s just like most other kiddos and would live outside if we let him. I’ll never forget his second birthday in the woods and surprisingly, he still talks about it. We drove across Canada and made it all the way over the Saskatchewan where we stayed in an RV on a beautiful lake (my leo soul always finds the water) and the people who hosted us are now our Canadian family - we literally call them to check in and we’ll go back every year now. On our way back from Canada we knew we had a big decision to make; where do we settle down and how do we get all of our shit there?

Choosing Oregon changed my brain chemistry

We decided to move to Oregon because it was close enough to drive our stuff from Colorado over without costing us a ton, but mostly because my best friends live there and they were pregnant with their first baby. We lived there for 6 months (yes we got to meet my new babygirl bestie + stay with their fur babies while they had her) and while it was dreamy as hell to live right around the corner from my bestie who I lived with in college and would live with for the rest of my life, we were not financially setup to live on the west coast on our own and needed to own that hard truth. Living in Hawaii was expensive as hell and our growing family was still experiencing the growing pains of having a toddler, traveling back and forth from Hawaii to NY to have family support when Dale was away and…yeah, we did our best. I had just left my part time job once we settled in Oregon because postpartum took a toll on my mental health and I needed to thaw out from responsibility. My friends are the kinds of people who make dinner and drop it off to our apartment before I could even ask for help because they hadn’t heard from me in 4 hours and knew I was struggling. Their support changed my brain chemistry. It’s what reminded me what I needed, how to ask for it, and how to never stop asking for what I need. Dale was trying to recover from the last 4 years and figure out how to integrate into the civilian world, and we were working hard to recover from a season of being new parents that almost broke us. And then…we found out I was pregnant in January!! Hello wtf universe, slow down!!!!

Moving back to my hometown and what end-of-life care taught me about family

Reality sunk in very fast for us that we couldn’t wing this chapter of our lives - we needed a plan and I had never felt more clear about it. So what did we do? We moved across the country from Oregon to New York back to our hometown (to live with my mom + grandparents) 3 months before having our second baby!!!

Yeah, that’s right. I’ve spent the last year living with four generations in one 1,200sqft house. My grandma, my mom, my husband and I and our two kids (plus two dogs). Furthermore, we all spent the better half of 2025 caring for my papa who had Alzheimer’s for 7 years. We had a general idea that living with them would be challenging, but we had spent the last 4 years raising our first baby on an island with absolutely no help (besides our friends who also had kids, we love you!!) so we were desperate for support. Once we got settled into the rhythm of caretaking for my papa day in and day out, we very quickly realized we ALL needed more support. I was 7 months pregnant with an almost 3 year old and although my grandma had been his caretaker and companion thus far (they had been together for 67 years, married for 66!!), it was too much for her. We hired support shortly after we moved in and when I say it took a village to take care of our whole family…I mean aunts, uncles, neighbors, their church community, and the home health aids that we hired. We don’t talk about end of life care enough and we don’t talk about the threshold at which we should be talking about it with our own parents (hi millennials with parents over 60, I’m talking to you). We all decided to keep my papa at home with us through his last day which meant we were all on board with caring for a body that was expiring and a soul that was navigating transitioning. And this person whom we knew very well (we have all lived very closely our whole lives), didn’t know us at all. That season changed my life. I’d wake up at 6:30 am with my kids, go into my grandparents room to help get my papa cleaned up, bathed and dressed, change the sheets, make everyone breakfast, get them their meds, feed him, stop him from leaving the house quietly while I chased my toddler to eat his breakfast. That was all before 9 am. It was a LOT. I cried, danced and screamed into my pillow A LOT. And ya know what? Every day was a meditation. Every day I felt closer and closer to God/Universe/Source. I knew exactly why I was there and why everything else hadn’t worked out for us before. I felt in my bones that this is what the human experience is all about; to walk one another home (we love you Ram Dass).

And while I used “I” a lot, my husband carried my little family so I could carry my grandparents. HE was up making breakfast and coffee for me before I got up with the kids. He was there to pick my papa up when he fell. He was with the kids when I needed to be there for my granmda. So while we thought we had marriage figured out before (lol, shoutout to our couples therapist), witnessing my grandma care for my papa through his final days really put it all into perspective for us and we couldn’t feel luckier to have witnessed that love.

Healing family patterns while witnessing them

Now is it often challenging and triggering to live with my mom and grandma? Absolutely. I moved out of my parents house at 19 and have lived all over the U.S. - South Carolina, Hawaii, Oregon and have traveled a bunch as well. I NEEDED to get out of my hometown when I did and truly believe my journey to sobriety would have been wildly different if I hadn’t. But the last year has taught me something that I never thought I’d heal in myself: you’re worthy of the hard conversations and we can get through them WITHOUT yelling. With love. And that’s what we do. We check in with one another. We speak up when we need space or support. We don’t agree on everything but we don’t love each other less because of it. They have generational tendencies that I have outgrown but witness every day. I’m still an adult messy kid but now have a partner and our own messy kids. And we are SO lucky to even have this living environment as an option that feels supportive and good to all of us.

My Saturn Return, Sobriety, and Spiritual Awakening

So now that I’m 5 years sober, have experienced a series of spiritual awakenings, and am just finishing my Saturn Return as I’m about to turn 30…I’m back at the place I left 10 years ago?? And it’s my dream life?? Yes, you’re reading that right!!!

Please hear me when I say this: you are writing the story of your life. And when I say “you” I mean this: by being aware that you are not the series of stories you’ve held onto as your identity, you can be free of it and the stories attached to it. It’s not about the perfect morning routine or the 30 day challenge. It’s literally just about clocking the stories you tell yourself every day as your truth or not. If you don’t like the story, tell a different one. Find proof of how it’s different in every moment and look for more of that. From Hawaii to New York, I kept searching for all of the ways we were supported and it has unfolded with so much proof of just that.

Now I am searching for all of the ways that it gets to be EASY. I have a business with six wildly aligned clients that were EASY to get, we’re paying off debt EASILY, saving for our dream home EASILY, Dale is starting school in September to pursue videography and we have had more date nights in the last year than we have our whole 5 years of marriage LOL. Ask for it. Get clear about what you desire and ask for it.

I love you.