How slow can you go?
Yes I did sing that out loud to the "how low can you go" song LOL
Mariah Mueller
Jul 31, 2026
Hello from the crunchy in between. The part where I’m not fully there, and being fully here is prickly. Confronting. High contrast. Wobbly. Where having fun with my kids makes me feel like I am failing my clients in some way (you know that endless loop of guilt that hangs on a mother’s shoulders like a weighted scarf with sharp edges?). Don’t worry, if you stick around here I’ll walk you through how I’m taking that damn scarf off and leaving that martyr story behind forever.
This is the part where I need more support emotionally than I feel comfortable asking for, and where taking space from my business (first intentional vacay in over a year) actually felt super intense because I love what I do and don’t feel like I fit in with many parts of my life right now.
I am shedding layers of my family of origin, my identity as a business owner, and how I am showing up in motherhood.
I have always been the black sheep of the family. The free-spirited one who moved down south at 19 with my big sister after taking a trip to Trinidad and Tobago with my best friend and accidentally falling in love with a Trinidadian whom I spent the next year and a half in a long distance relationship with, traveling to Barbados, NYC, etc. Not to mention the drinking problem I had (have) that nobody knew about that almost killed me a few times. I have always been the outspoken one about my beliefs and values and they do NOT always align with my families. Which is a beautiful thing!! I love the opportunity to disagree and have a kind conversation about it.
Something that I’m realizing is actually unique, is that I am a deeply present person.
I am the friend who walks slowly at the farmers market just to make eye contact, smile at people and welcome deep conversations with strangers. I chew my food slowly, I move in the kitchen slowly, I clean up slowly. Qi Gong saved my life four years ago. I am genuinely not in a rush for anything (ok unless we’re about to leave the house, then my body jumps into my version of full speed LOL). I know that spending the last 5 years sober reinforced this even further because a girl can sit with her feelings and has an intentional energetic hygiene practice now, okay!! And then my time living in Hawaii doubled down on the contrast between where I grew up in NY and the slowed down pace of life on island. And then, one of the first journey’s I embarked on as a mother was befriending my own inner child with on-the-floor-level presence. Being a stay at home mom ROCKED MY WORLD. I realized very fast how disconnected adults are from “meaningless” play. We LOVE to have a reason or purpose behind anything we do and kids are next level spiritual beings who exist in a constant state of presence. I told my husband this week that I have never felt closer to God/Source/Spirit than I do when I am with our kids.
Now, I LOVE to play and create stories for hours on end. We can walk in the woods without phones, crouch down at the moss, the tiny flowers, the spiderweb, etc. Toddler-led walks are my FAVORITEEEE. My baby just turned one and instead of scrambling to create the perfect birthday party, we just had another day in love. I didn’t even get her presents (my family covers the gift giving x’s 10). We just spent time together with love and presence like we do every other day. The fact that it felt like any other day with her, was a HUGE win in my body. No urgency, external pressure or narratives about what kind of mom I am if I don’t xyz. Just a day filled with my husband, my kids and wherever the day took us (to the sauna for me, and the museum for all of us after that). Divine. This is the fabric of how I work too. Let me explain.
How would you lead and who would you be if your intuition was in charge?
Spoiler: we don’t meet urgency and fear with urgency and fear, that’s for sure! Being an intuitevly-led leader means that everything may shift over night and nobody will understand or agree and your job is to double down on what you’re receiving and trust the path. So being the black sheep of my family, the friend who doesn’t drink (but somehow has more fun going out that way??), the type B mom who co-sleeps with her children, the psychic friend who’s marching to the beat of my own drum but is actually deeply tapped in to my own highest calling…has been the greatest life training for now being the owner of an intuitively-led business operations agency that I am intentionally scaling. I get to hold leaders through that threshold of “this is what I’m receiving and I have to trust it” and I do. Period. I have witnessed launches “flop” from the outside perspective, while having the intuitive knowing that what’s unfolding is actually exactly what is supposed to happen. It’s easy to say “we messed up” if we don’t get the results that our ego wanted or what was written on our “plan”, but that is such a limited perspective to hold. If we go about our day assuming that everything is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to, we’d be in such a trusting flow and we’d stop trying to effort and force things to work that aren’t actually meant for us. However, being intuitively-led goes against everything we’ve been conditioned to “work” towards (knowing more, doing more to prove our worth, comparing and competing with others in our “niche”). It’s all this illusion that says “if you can’t keep up you’ll be forgotten,” or “see how valuable I am!! You need me!!” and it’s not my truth. I know that we’re all here for our own highest journey and just the pure fact that we all get to do it together at this divine moment in time is…enough for me!
Here’s what I know to be true for me right now:
Being a mom is the best job I’ll ever have. I love my kids, I love showing them the world and seeing the world through their excitement. I love keeping them up late to watch fireflies and sharing my milkshake with them. I love hearing the way they interpret the world and telling stories to help them understand the weird shit. And, I birthed something entirely different when I had my second baby last year (my business). Both are true and I haven’t quite found my balance yet.
My work is shifting in energetically potent ways even if the marketing about “what I do” hasn’t caught up yet. I am an energetic space holder. I only see people in their highest timeline so when you bring your questions, uncertainty, business decisions, life circumstances forward to me…I immediately feel what’s not authentic, what’s a distraction and can paint you the most vivid picture of where you are actually headed. I can not just carry on with “strategy” or “systems setups” anymore. I am an intuitive leader and the space that I hold has changed people’s lives and tripled their income.
Everything happening right now is the final stage of “are you going to be who you say you want to be” and it is LOUD. The old stories where I feel like the irresponsible, unreliable, always late, aloof kid are resurfacing to remind me: I was never meant to fit in here. I have been a trailblazer, weird kid, quiet and cave-like with a LOT of value hiding away behind my throat and I am ready to be heard. And not in the “ok I have it all figured out now” “look at how wise and expert I am” kind of way. Because FUCK THAT. I have walked through fires and I am here to remind each of us that we can emerge a COMPLETELY different person as many times as we’re called to.
I can feel that we’re shifting from “do do do, go, contort, keep up” to “how does it feel to be still, in silence, BEING and PLAYING” and WHAT A BREATH OF FRESH AIIIIIR. Let’s let life surprise us!! Let’s let others support and guide us. Let’s let go of the illusion that we’re not already whole as we are. Let’s let it be BETTER than our ego brain could ever come up with. I promise you, it will surprise and delight you if you look for it to.
